wearingthestars | TRP Inbox

"Yeah, you keep saying that," Billy notes, arching a brow. Like...a lot. Which of us are you trying to convince? "You'd know better than me. The guy was bleeding out when I met him, we didn't really get to talking about his sexual preferences."

He snorts softly at Tommy's answer. "Okay, if your ages were switched, would you feel bad about it?"

Would he feel bad about it? He laughs and shakes his head. Of course not. That's ridiculous.

"My physical years and mental ones don't even line up in so many ways. And I was literally experimented on, you know?"

So that ages a guy mentally too.

"Okay, so why is it fine for you to be 19 with an early 20s person and not him? Hypothetically." And hey, don't even get into what their actual ages might be. For all they know they've only existed since the first twins were born, which would make Tommy the younger one. But that shit is complicated.

"You're literally inventing reasons to be upset. You have a cute friend. You can either just stay friends or you can take a shot and see if he's into it too. And if not, you still have friend."

Don't even bring up their original lives, man. That's a headache he isn't going to measure right now. He's got way more years of active memories than he's lived, so he knows what he is.

"Are you not even listening?" he asks, absolutely exasperated. "And what if I take a shot and we aren't friends? Like, I'm the friend he's got. The person helping him heal. I can't take that from him by making him feel weird."

"You and Kate are still friends. What is this whole assumption that if you tell someone you're interested and they aren't you can never speak again?? You're a grown ass man. You should understand relationships are more complex than that."

Dummy.

Him and Kate were on again off again with stupid amounts of drama until David. Doesn't he get that? Geez.

"Take isn't turned off by the fact that I'm into a guy or a chick. But when he's horrified that his male best friend might be interested in him he could shut me out. You know that."

Dudes are always weird with this shit. And Billy's young.

"I'm a grown ass queer man, and he's a young ass straight man. That's the issue man."

"And I all ready told you, if that's the sort of person he is, then you shouldn't be his friend," Billy says with a more serious expression. "Straight dudes can learn to handle this shit just like straight girls have had to put up with from them forever. He doesn't have to like you back, but if you liking him is an issue, then he's the problem."

Tommy sighs, arm thrown over his head. No. It's not like that. It's...

"Listen. He's someone who might be that now but who you can pull back from it. I swear you, I can see that in him. But I'm not losing that and him over an initial prejudice that he maybe needs to learn to get past, right?"

He's probably just over-blowing this too.

"It's not really something that's gonna matter, because I'm not saying anything. Just, you know, he's young, okay? It's not right."

Billy sighs heavily, not sure Tommy's listened to a thing he's said here, just looping right back around to the same points. So, new tactic-

"Fine, you're right. He's too young. Problem solved. You do nothing." Is that better? Is that what you want to hear Tommy?

Yeah. That's exactly what he wants to hear. Thank you! Finally!

"That's for the best, right? Like, if I get too attached and close and like him, he goes home. And if he goes home he dies. I can't do that to him," he says.

As if that makes sense.

"So can you just... make it go away?"

Dummy.

"..." Billy fixes him with a look. One that only get's worse with that request.

"Okay- first off- no. I don't do that. Don't you ever ask me to do that. And second- ....you don't have anything to do with who comes and goes in this place Tommy. I need you to tell me you understand that. If he goes home, it has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. You have no control over that. And if you're stupid enough to throw away getting close to people because sometimes we lose them- then you're going to be really fucking, Tommy. People leave us. Eventually. One way or another. That's life here and back home. You have the time you have, so stop wasting it."

Tommy wants to roll his eyes. Of course there's something going on. The Agrii hate him or something. Or the Atroma assholes. Hasn't he seen the pattern? Come on man, tell him you've seen it.

"There are actual malicious aliens watching the aliens that watch us, probably. Of course it can be how it works!"

But yeah, okay, he gets it. Don't ask for getting it fixed. But he's so frustrated.

"So there's no fixing any of it. How inappropriate it is."

"So you're just going to be miserable forever? How is that any better?" Billy counters, wanting to roll his eyes right back.

"You're the one who thinks that, so yeah, you're the only one that can fix it. I don't do that stuff."

It's a sensitive issue, with what Loki convinced Teddy he'd done. He's done a lot of stupid shit with his magic, but he's not going to use it to meddle with love or memories.

"Dude, I'm an adult hitting on a dude just out of high school. That's absolutely creepy!"

How does his brother not get that? Wouldn't he find that strange. "Like, I'm not even college age. I'm older than college age!"

"Well then don't. If it bothers you then don't. But if you're actually asking me, you're both adults and what the fuck does college age even mean? Soldier could be college age. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I think you're some creep or whatever. But if you feel like that is something that makes someone a creep? Don't do it. Simple."

Fucking hell, Billy. Maybe he should have asked someone else. But who else could he ask? Fuck.

"You're really not being the little manifestation of morality on my shoulder, B."

"He's an adult. And frankly, you're pretty damn stunted, so- no, I don't see any reason to be the angel on your shoulder telling you 'no'." Billy shrugs, "And even when I did, you weren't satisfied, so maybe you need to think about what you really want."

Stunted? What the actual fuck? Tommy looks highly offended by that very suggestion.

"Literally older than you in body and perception of time. Speedsters age faster than their witches because we've got more hours in our days."

Okay, now he's too upset over being called stunted to be worried over Hargrove. So whatever man.

Okay, poor choice of words. Definitely.

"Fine. You're a wise old man, and you should feel bad about being into that defenseless nineteen year old. Better? Happy now?"

No. He's not. Because his brother thinks he's stunted. Now Tommy feels horrible.

"Am I really that childish in your eyes?" he asks, because he's hurt here. All the hard work he's put in over the last few years, all the responsibilities, is it for nothing?

Billy huffs, but he pushes asides his frustration to shake his head apologetically.

"...no, I'm just- I just don't get why you're making this so complicated. Why do you fight so hard not to be happy all the time?"

Maybe because he knows he's not supposed to be happy. Maybe because when he gets close to people here they leave or they betray him. Maybe because his romances all end with such an ache of loss.

Maybe because he knows the universe wanted Billy and he's a consolation prize that people don't really care for.

"I'm not sure happiness and me are meant to get along, you know?"

"Well it doesn't help that you're constantly working against it," Billy counters with a sigh. They've had this talk before though. And he feels like nothing he's said has ever quite been right or what Tommy wants to hear to help him.

"Since when are you the scared twin, hmm? You're supposed to be the big brave strong one."

He's just scared. Tommy's abandonment issues ran so damn deep at this point. But he wants to laugh at the question. At least he's now old enough, and honest enough, to admit it.

"I've always been the scared twin, Billy. I'm just a lot better than you at hiding it. Have been for a long time. My powers are literally about running away. Always away, because there wasn't things to run to. And when there was..."

And when there was he'd made it fucking awkward time and time again with David. Then he'd been here and lost things all over again, the universe lashing out maybe.

"I may be bigger in some ways, and stronger, but I'm not the one the universe wants. Maybe you're afraid of what you'll become someday, but I've been afraid of what I am since I was old enough to realize I-"

Wasn't what his parents wanted. That they'd never want something like him. Someone like him.

"I've never been that strong. And I'm scared a lot of the time. Just not over the same things other people are."

It's the same thing it always comes back to, and Billy still doesn't have a good retort. He didn't ask to be what he was, but it still cast a shadow on his brother.

"...fuck the universe," he offers finally, and given Billy doesn't casually swear as often as some, it means more when he does.

"I want you. Our friends want you. Your friends want you. And the world is bigger than the stupid demiurge. It doesn't mean you aren't amazing and talented and everything else."

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